Living a Normal Life
by ddvvddee
Summary: Sam has 2 people in her life who she really cares about; Tom and Ella, her daughter. Both people are major parts of her life. 2 parts that have never met. But what will happen when a disaster brings both parts of her life together? Can she have both of the people she cares about? Or will her life fall apart? And can she in anyway continue living a normal life?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, I'm sorry its been so long since I've updated. This is a an idea that I've had for a while so please review if you think that its worth continuing I promise that I will update all my stories more regularly now since I've discovered that I can write them on my Phone. oh and I apologise for using the same name again, in case you hadn't guessed its my favourite name. So enjoy! :-)**

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SAMS POV

The sun shines through the gap in the curtain and casts its light down onto my bed, this rouses me and I slowly open my eyes. I sigh contently, smiling as I lie there my back against him with his arms around my stomach, holding me tight, guarding me, and keeping me safe. I feel him stirring so I slowly turn to face and bring my hands up to my fingers through his curly hair. His eyes open, sparkling in the morning light, I close my eyes as his lips find mine and find myself transported in to a world op bliss as he keeps his lips locked with mine. I break apart and glance at the clock and when I see the time a struggle to escape his warm embrace but he holds me tight. "In a rush to go somewhere DR Nicholls" he says with a twinkle in his eye. "Hm, yes work, you know the thing we both do but I am significantly better at!" I reply. He laughs and I get up, and as I leave the room, I turn around and look at him just lying there, a picture of perfection. After a quick shower and a slice of toast, I'm stood by the door waiting impatiently for Tom. "Hurry up slowcoach!" I yell to him, seeing as patience has never been my best quality. I suddenly realise that I haven't checked my phone, so I see that I have indeed got that one message I was dreading:

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**Hi Sammy**

**I assume that you must have finished your shift really late again last night! Luckily for you, Ella had her uniform with her so i sent her to school this morning. This has happened about 3 nights in a row; please try to remember your daughter. Please remember that she is coming home to you after school.**

**Lots of love Mum**

**xxxxx**

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I sigh and bite my lip, how could I have been so stupid yet again. It's just that no one knows and I would like to keep it that way. I gasp as Tom wraps his arms around my waist, interrupting my chain of thought. I turn around and give him a kiss on the cheek, wishing I could tell him but I chicken out at the last second before turning away and walking out of the door.

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TOMS POV

I can tell that there's something on her mind, I just wish she would tell me. I know that we haven't been dating long but I still feel as though I would tell her anything. I go to say something, question her but I change my mind and just follow her out of the door.

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SAMS POV

I'm standing in the staffroom before my shift starts, cradling a cup of lukewarm coffee, when Tom walks over. "Are you ok?" he asks. I nod and try to give him a reassuring smile. "It's just that you've been very quiet this morning, like something's been on your mind".

I push Ella out my mind and grin, "Nope I'm fine just thinking about someone who drives me crazy but I can't get enough of for some weird reason!" He raises his eyebrow and takes a step towards me. I tilt my head up towards his and our lips meet in a few seconds of pure unimaginable bliss before Zoe walks in.

"Oi! I believe the 2 of you have something called work to be getting on with!" It's a pretty slow and boring shift; a broken wrist, chest infection and a small laceration. Suddenly the red emergency phone rings and Ash picks it up, everyone stops what they are doing, just to find out what's happening.

"There's been a fire at the local secondary school" he says looking up at us. "Number of casualties unknown but they are requesting 2 doctors at the scene". My stomach drops, and I feel worried sick. "I'll go" I say not entirely sure if I'm going as a doctor or a worried parent. Tom volunteers to join me. And as we make our way to the school all I can think about is Ella and I hope she's ok.


	2. Chapter 2

ELLAS POV

I sit carefully on the edge of a bench in one of the changing rooms in the PE block after PE. It is our last lesson before lunch so we were let out early and therefore everyone is taking their time to get changed. I sit in the corner with my 2 best friends as we are not the 'cool' kids but they are accepted by the popular kids. While my friends are accepted, I'm just about tolerated; seeing as I'm the weird science and maths geeky kid. I'm the daughter of a weird grumpy sarcastic doctor who's obsessed with his dog and another doctor who is strong, brave and tough but also forgets about me and to be honest that isn't really the recipe for popularity. But I don't care as I know that I'm so much cooler than them in my own little way. So while they are all staring into the mirrors checking that their hair is perfect and the makeup is applied in just the right way, I just pull my wavy golden brown hair into a scruffy ponytail and apply some lip slave on my constantly makeup free face. They sit there rolling up their skirts and discussing the latest fashion while I sit around in my scruffy uniform, knowing that my wardrobe at home is just filled with jeans, loose t-shirts and hoodies. They are trying to sing along with the latest hits and obsessing over the 'amazing' baselines and I'm just wishing I had my IPod so that I could rock out to some amazing guitar solos. I'm basically the invisible one who everyone knows but seems to ignore which suits me just fine.

I'm brought back to reality when Dani one of my friends throws my trainers at me. "Nice to see you've been listening to us as usual" she says with a grin and I just laugh.

"Sorry it's just that I don't necessarily like what you're saying" I reply sarcastically before sticking out my tongue. Suddenly the fire bell rings and everyone groans; and I agree, I mean why do a fire drill right before lunch when everyone is already tired, grumpy and hungry enough as it is. People start making their way towards the door and as someone pulls open the door, thick black smoke pours in. A popular girl screams and that's when everyone starts to panic.

Everyone rushes towards the door, pushing and shoving; all anyone wants to do is escape. Luckily the path is clear for our changing room so everyone gets outside. I'm one of the last people out of the changing room and as I turn around I notice that there are some people inside the other changing room looking very ill. I know enough about fires and first aid to realise that this smoke is clogging up their airways that they can't breathe. I roll up my sleeves and decide in that moment that I can't just leave them.

I run back through the flames and pick up the first person I find; not caring about the flames or the smoke. I carry them outside and I think back to the many first aid courses I've been on thanks to my mum, I check their air way and put them into the recovery position. I hear people shouting me to stop but I don't, I just do what feels right; saving lives. I rescue about 10 people before the head teacher grabs my arm. She looks into my eyes and says, "Ella don't put yourself at risk. The emergency services will be here soon." I pull my arm free and grin whilst walking backwards.

"My mums a doctor and one thing I've learnt is that the emergency services are always stretched to the limit and if you know what you're doing don't wait!" I run back in and see 2 more people; a teacher and a student. I am exhausted, unable to breathe and can feel the fire on my skin. In that moment I know I need to make a decision and I run my fingers through my hair and pick up Mr Church. As I get outside I see my mum pull up with the ambulances.

I yell, "Can I get some help please, he's not breathing properly." And as I turn to run back into the building I here lots of people telling me to stop but I don't.

My mum steps out in front of me and says, "Ella please stop, I don't want you to get hurt". I know that she means it but I also know that the last person inside won't make it unless I save them. The heat overwhelms me and there are flames everywhere. I feel dizzy and exhausted but I don't save myself I carry on I pick up burning pieces of wood and get to the body. It takes all my strength to lift them and as I stagger out, I feel like I could collapse. I reach over to take their pulse and realise they don't have one. So I use every ounce of strength in my body to put my hands on her chest and push; counting to twenty; checking for a pulse. I have tears streaming down my face I am exhausted but I carry on. Their pulse returns just as a doctor runs over and as he rushes her to ambulance I fall to my knees exhausted. Wishing I had my mum their but knowing that I don't matter enough. That her job will always come first.

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**Hi I hope you enjoyed this chapter if so please review. Thank you to Ordinarycasgirl, Minxheart and VampireGem4444 for reviewing already. I should update again in the next few days but I've to revise and continue my other stories so we'll see. :-)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi again. You're very lucky to have got an update today because i continued writing yesterday even though it was my birthday. Please review and I am currently writing the next chapters for my other 2 stories. Enjoy :-)**

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SAMS POV

I look over to Ella; I've never seen her look like this. She is usually so strong and would never dream of showing herself to look weak in anyway. I want to go over and say something but I'm not sure what. She shoots me a look that is her way of saying 'I'm fine! Believe me.' But I can tell she's not. I'm about to go over and comfort her or something, but she is called over to the ambulance by Tom. It's at that moment I notice the burns on her hands, legs and chest. I immediately feel sick. I wish I could go with her but seeing as I'm the last doctor here; it means that it's my job to check other people from the fire who aren't critical.

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ELLAS POV

My mum just stands there looking at me, not doing anything comforting; as usual. I give her a weak smile; just to comfort her because I can tell she's worried but before I can go and speak to her. The doctor calls over to me, "Please come in the ambulance with me, we need to treat your burns." I stand slowly and make my way over to the ambulance. I sit in the back of the ambulance watching the doctor who has introduced himself as Tom, treats the burns of the person I recognise to be Josie-Ann Wilson, one of the populars.

He turns to me and asks, "What's your name?" I run my fingers through my hair before replying, "Ella..." but before I can reveal my surname Josie-Ann arrests and Tom is forced to start CPR. I feel dreadful, in fact I feel sick. My stomach churns as it runs through my head that I could have saved her. We arrive at the hospital and Dr Hanna walks out, I recognise her from pictures my mum has of her and her friends, and listens to Tom as he says, "this is Josie-Ann Wilson, 13, numerous burns and serious smoke inhalation. She arrested twice, once on scene and once in the ambulance. BP systolic at 80 and a GCS 3, resps of 13." He hands her over and I follow as she is wheeled into resus.

No one notices me; they are all wrapped up in trying to save her and Mr Church who are both in critical conditions. I stand with my back against the wall, watching. Wishing there is something I could do to help. Dr Hanna surveys Josie-Ann and intubates her. After a few minutes she says, "There's got to be something we're missing, her BP should be up by now".

I rack my brains thinking is there anything I can think of. "Um, um, she has an elevated chest. Tension pneumothorax. It's common but not very obvious with patients on a ventilator." I say, well almost shout. Dr Hanna raises her eyebrows and asks for a chest CT.

Then Tom walks over to me and says, "Good spot, you probably just saved her life. Now would like to follow me so that we can sort out your burns". I follow him reluctantly, I don't want to leave, I want to stay and make sure that they are ok. Tom leads me to a cubicle where he asks a nurse to retrieve him some saline and bandages. He pulls up a stool and takes my hands to inspect them. "So you went into a burning building to rescue people, why?" he asks.

"My mum always says that the emergency services are constantly stretched to limits and if I hadn't who would." I reply curtly.

"Ok, well these are quite thick, and may scar but I won't know for certain until they start to heal." I nod as he finishes with the bandages. "Right I need your full name so I can contact your parent" he says.

I sigh before replying, "Ella Nicholls, and yes my mum is Sam Nicholls before you ask any awkward questions!" he nods slowly as if he's trying to digest some weird information.

"Ok I need you to stay here while I go and get you some pain relief" he says. I go to tell him I don't want any but he's already gone. After a few seconds of just sitting there, get up make my way to resus because I can't just sit there while Mr Church and Josie-Ann could die. I go and stand next to Mr Church, and I notice that one of his arms is extremely pale. I go to take a pulse and find a very faint one. There are no nurses or doctors around and Josie-Ann has been taken somewhere. I contemplate going to find someone but then I notice that he has a dislocated shoulder. I realise that it needs to be relocated and that this is something I know how to do. Glad that there is finally something that I can do to help, I pick up his arm and pop his shoulder back into place, just as Zoe walks in.

"What do you think you're doing?" she shouts at me.

"Saving his arm, there was hardly a pulse and there was no one else around!" I reply. She just gives me a look and walks back over to Josie-Ann who has just been wheeled back into resus.

Suddenly she arrests and Zoe looks and says, "Do you want to help or not?" I nod and run over, and once again I place my hands on her chest and push hard. About half an hour later, Zoe stops me and asks, "Are we all agreed?" I nod reluctantly and slowly make my way out of resus. People are trying to talk to me but I don't hear what they are saying. I just walk to the staffroom and punch in the code which I just happen to know. Once inside I make my way to the sofa and just collapse. Only then do the tears fall. The tears that are made of pain, annoyance, sadness and fear.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello, I'm sorry I haven't updated Army Days yet but I've had serious writers block. So heres the next chapter, the bits in italics are a flashback/memory. :-)**

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SAMS POV

I walk back through the ED doors, overly frustrated. I mean everyone thinks that there is something seriously wrong with them even if they have only been exposed to the smoke for a few minutes max. As I make my way towards reception, Tom grabs my elbow and pulls me over to the side. I grin, feeling much happier now in the company of the man I love. "You look frustrated" he says as I stand against a wall with him leaning over me. "Well, you know how much people worry, even if there is nothing wrong with them" I reply and he lets out a small laugh but I can tell that he's not totally with it. "So, are you busy later?" I ask, trying my best to be flirty.

"No but you are!" he replies curtly and when he sees my confused face he sarcastically adds, "There's a girl in the staffroom, goes by the name of Ella! Do you know who I mean?" I sigh and suddenly realise how Dylan must have felt during the fire, how frustrating it is for people to hear some important information from someone else. "Tom, I'm sorry, I should have told you" I whisper but he just walks away. I run my fingers wishing I could wallow in self-pity but I know that there's someone more important.

I open the staffroom to a sight I thought I would never see. My daughter who is usually so strong and who I haven't seen cry for at least 3 years, is sitting curled up in a ball on the sofa. She is hugging her knees as tears slip silently down her cheeks. I walk over and sit down next to her pulling her into a hug. She relaxes into my embrace something she hasn't done for such a long time. I know that I haven't been the best mother but if she's finally accepting my embrace that must mean that I'm getting somewhere. "What happened Ells?" I ask quietly whilst rubbing her back. "I lost my first patient" she mumbles into me. "Joseph Wilkinson" I say and she just looks up at me her eyes red and puffy. "He was the first patient that I ever lost, June 18 2004, I was 18 and you were 3. Do you remember?"

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_SAMS POV_

_I open the door to my small flat. I am exhausted; I have just finished a 12 hour shift in my first hospital placement. For the first time, I was allowed in resus. The day was going well until a patient called Joseph Wilkinson was brought in. He was only 17 a year younger than me. He had come off his friend's motorcycle and was in a very serious condition. He hadn't been wearing a helmet so he had fractured his skull. We tried our best but in the end we lost him. I through my coat down onto the table and walk through to the living room where I find my beautiful daughter with her child-minder. I pay the child minder as quickly as possible wanting to be alone. I pick Ella up and try to smile as she shows me her drawing of us. A tear slips down my cheek and I reach up to wipe it away. "You ok, mummy" she asks quietly. I nod and reply, "Mummy's fine just a bit sad". She hugs me in an attempt to make me feel better. I put her down in front of the TV and go into the kitchen in urgent need of some alcohol to drown my sorrows with. I find a bottle and vodka and I fall to my knees. I sit there with my back against a wall, gulping down the vodka enjoying the numbness it delivers me. Tears are falling constantly, I feel so bad; how could I have let him die? I mean is wrong for me to want to save every single person. So this is what my mentor meant when they said that I was too eager to save lives and that it would hit me hard when I lost my first patient. I stand up and see the knife rack. I slowly pick up one of the knives and shakily pull it along my arm hoping for the same relief I had as a child. As soon as I pull the knife from my arm I gasp, hardly believing what I have just done. Maybe it was ok when I was a child but now I have Ella to think of. I drop the knife onto the side as I start to feel faint._

_ELLAS POV _

_I hear the noises of mummy crying in the kitchen. I stand up and walk into the kitchen. I see mummy lying on the floor with a bottle broken around her and her arm is bleeding. I start crying and shake her, trying to wake her up. "Mummy, please wake up", I say and her eyes start to flicker. She groans and whispers "Get my phone". So I run into the living room and pick up her phone, when I bring it back she tells me, "Ring 01345 543932 for daddy." Then she tells me to go and play in my bedroom while we wait for daddy. When daddy comes in he goes straight to mummy and picks her up, carrying her into the living room. He then calls an ambulance and just sits there stroking her head. I walk up and hug him just because I'm scared and all he does as always is pat my head. _

SAMS POV

She nods, "You were taken to hospital and that was the first time you made me stay with Grandma and Grandpa. Now all I do is stay with them" she replies sarcastically. "Let me just go and talk to Zoe and then we can go home." I say and I stand up. While looking for Zoe, I see Tom so I go over and speak to him. "Tom, look I'm sorry, please just come round later so we can talk" I plead. He nods and says, "we both finish in about 10 minutes, wait for me and I'll take you and Ella home seeing as you don't have a lift." He says emotionlessly and I am still left wondering whether my relationship with him is still on.

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**So who do you think her father is? And will Tom and Sam stay together?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi sorry its been a while since an update, its just that school and exams are just tiring me out. And also another note to say, I am just going to be focussing on this story for a while so I wont be updating any of the others purely because of how busy I am and the fact that I have a load more ideas for this story. Anyway please review and enjoy :-)**

ELLAS POV

"You know it's all my fault" I say as my mum walks back into the staffroom. She looks at me a little confused for a moment but then she says, "No it's not, she had sustained serious injuries, even if she had been treated by anyone else she still probably wouldn't have survived." "You don't get it", I say as I stand up and turn to face her, "there were two people left in the building a child and an adult. I picked the adult because it was easier to get to them. Anyone who knows anything about medicine knows that always children first just because they are weaker. I picked the wrong person. You know that if she had gotten out of there and here even 5 minutes earlier she might have made it." I practically shout her and she just wraps her arms around me, holding me tight against her. She rubs my back as I relax into her, my eyes once again filling with tears. She steps back as the door opens and I know that she still feels awkward with me around her colleagues. I wipe my eyes and sit back down while she walks over to Tom.

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SAMS POV

I hear the door open so I turn to face Tom, glad that he doesn't completely hate me. He gives a weak smile, still seeming quite distant. I place my hand on his arm and go to say 'thank you' but he just shakes my arm off. Why do I have to always mess my life up? Now the 2 most important people in my life hate me. The atmosphere in the staffroom is so tense, and awkward, seeing as no one really knows what's going on. The car ride home is filled with silence, and not the comfortable type. I feel as though I should say something but every time I go to open my mouth, the thing I was going to say doesn't sound quite right. As soon as I open the door to my flat, Ella brushes pat me and I hear her door slam closely followed by My Chemical Romance.

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TOMS POV

I smile inwardly at how similar Ella is to Sam as I hear some random rock track faintly through the walls. Sam takes off her coat walks through to the kitchen. I realise that she must have tidied it this morning as although I tried to make her let me wash up she wouldn't let me. I can see how stressed she is as she runs her fingers through her beautiful caramel hair. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Ella. It's just that when I arrived here Dylan wouldn't let me mention that we were married let alone that we had a child" she says. I raise my eyebrows at that statement because it had never crossed my mind that he was the father I didn't think that they had known each other that long. She doesn't see that though as she refuses to look me in the eye, she just continues, "I wanted to tell you believe me, I just couldn't ever find the right time. I really like you tom, but Ella is my daughter. And I haven't been the best mother to her, what with me going to Afghanistan and ignoring her due to the sheer amount of work I have. Please don't make me choose between you and her because she will win every single time." She's rambling and that makes me smile, I love it when she does that. She looks up at me as if begging forgiveness and I just take her head in my hands and say, "Sam it doesn't matter, I love you." She smiles and I lean in to kiss her.

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SAMS POV

I step back and grin, my whole face is alight with happiness. I thought I had lost tom when he found out about Ella but now I can see that he doesn't care that I didn't tell him, all that matters to him is me and that I'm happy. I lean back against the kitchen counter, and watch him suspiciously as he walks over to the fridge. He opens it before turning to look at me, "do you have any food in?" at that exact moment Ella comes in sits herself on a stool before replying to Tom, "the only things we ever have in are ice cream, wine, milk and some cereal of some sort. Although if you're lucky, you might find some pasta and a jar of tomato sauce in the cupboard somewhere!" Tom snorts with laughter and I find myself burying my head in my hands as he turns to ask me, "So what do you eat then?" and all I can reply regrettably is, "Pizza". Ella just sits there looking bemused at my embarrassment as Toms comes over to me and says, "Right so you're a doctor who tells everyone else to eat healthily and acts like a complete fitness fanatic when in reality you just live off pizza". I nod slowly and he just grins, before he gets a cheeky glint in his eye. He reaches forward and tickles me, much to my dismay, although I soon stop him by placing my lips upon his.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry it's been so long since I've updated! I must admit that I don't have any excuse except I forgot! Whoops! Anyway, I don't think this chapter is very good but I thought I should upload something. So please review and I will update next week :-)**

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SAMS POV

The next morning I wake up and grin to myself remembering what happened last night. Tom tried his best to make some pasta with an old jar of sauce he found. He somehow managed to burn it though and in the end we just ordered a Chinese as he said, "I needed a more varied diet". I yawn and slowly stretch out my arms hoping to 'accidently' hit Tom in the face only to be surprised when I find the bed empty. I get up and pull my dressing gown around my slight frame before heading through to the kitchen where I find Tom siting with a cup of coffee in his hands. "What are you doing up so early?" I ask because I know that he would much rather have a lie in than get up early any day. He just grins at me as though he is incredibly proud of himself and I am immediately suspicious. I take a step towards him and say, "What have you done?" he laughs at me but still says nothing. I know he can see that I'm getting annoyed and I know that he is doing this on purpose. "Tell me!" I almost shout at him just because he is frustrating me so much and all I want to do is hit him right now. I lean in to kiss him in the hope that I can annoy him by walking away after kissing him. Tom smiles and grabs my hips pulling me towards him and kisses me passionately. Ella suddenly walks in and we break apart, I take a step back and Tom wipes his mouth. The atmosphere in the room has turned extremely awkward. I smile at Ella and she gives a very weak smile back. She looks awfully sullen and pale, like she hasn't slept at all. She takes a seat at the table and runs her fingers through her hair and I think I see tears in her eyes. Tom gets up and murmurs something about having a shower and as he walks past me he whispers in my ear with a glint in his eye, "Check the fridge". I walk over to the fridge to get some milk and when I find that it's full, I realise why Tom was so proud of himself. Only he would be so childish to be proud of himself for doing some shopping. I watch as Ella grabs herself a bowl of cereal, thinking how grownup she is now but also how much of a child she still is as she still puts her cereal in the bowl first, something she started when she was 6. "You OK" I ask her slowly as she looks rundown something I have never really seen her look like before. "Yea, I'm just a bit tired" she replies completely emotionless. She leaves the room without a word and I raise my eyes and sigh. Once again I'm failing at being a mother. I walk back into my bedroom where I fall back against the bed. Why does Ella never feel the need to talk to me? Why does she always dismiss when I am trying to be a good mother? I pick up a pillow and throw it at the wall, narrowly missing Tom as he walks out the bathroom. "Whoa what's up?" he asks when he sees the look of anger, frustration and pain on my face. He walks over to me and sits on the floor before pulling me onto his lap and holding me tight in his arms. "I'm a failure at being a mother! My only daughter just ignores me and acts like she hates me. She has been through something traumatic and I try to help but she just chooses to walk off. The one time I am actually trying to be a mother she just ignores me. If she won't even talk to me now, what's the point? I might as well just let her constantly live at her grandparents." I say feeling extremely tense and annoyed. He rubs my shoulders gently before replying, "she doesn't hate you I can tell you that. She's 14 and has just been through something we wouldn't want anyone at any age to experience. She is bound to be scared and confused. And if she is anything like you, which from what I've seen so far she is, and then she isn't great at displaying how she really feels. I reckon that she does want to talk to you but she doesn't know how. Go and talk to her, find out how she really feels." I smile weakly at him realising that he's right.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi guys, once again I apologise sincerely for the delay in this update. But I promise that I will update both this story and Why is life so hard? on Thursday. Can I also just say that I am loving Tom and Sams relationship at the moment. Sooo cute! please review. :-)**

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ELLAS POV

I stand in resus; just watching. I can just see Mr Church and Julia, another girl from the fire, lying there, almost lifeless. I watch as nurses busy around them, checking pulses and blood pressure. I can see the state they are in and how sick they are. It hardly seems right that I'm feeling fine, while they are both just lying here, so sick and weak. I feel a tear spring to my eye as I lean back against the wall, but I just wipe it away. I don't want to be seen crying because I know I should feel fortunate that I'm still ok but for some reason I cant. All I want to do is rip off the bandages, so that the scars don't heal and that I'm scarred. It may sound weird but that's what I want. I turn and look back at Julia and watch as her mum walks in and takes her hand. I can see the look of pain on her face and I immediately feel sick. I can feel my heart racing and the room suddenly feels as though it has got at least 10 degrees warmer. I stumble out of resus and head towards the toilets. I look in the mirror and I can see the sweat glistening on my brow. My breathing has increased its speed and I can feel myself getting dizzier and dizzier. Suddenly I begin to feel a little faint and half collapse on the floor.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi again guys! Sorry its not a very long chapter again but i kept my promise. Yay! I will probably well hopefully definitely update this weekend. Oh and by the way the form I talk about in this chapter in vertical tutoring which is some stupid thing my school does where there are a few people from each year in a form. Please review with any thoughts and ideas. :-)**

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ELLAS POV

"Hi Ella, its Zoe. You're having a panic attack, so take deep breaths for me," Zoe says, reaching for an oxygen mask. I bat her hand away and sit up, trying to get my breath back. Zoe's kneeling next to me, looking slightly worried and dubious at the fact I rejected the mask. She stands up and says, "Come on, Ella a panic attack can be quite serious. We need to get you checked out." I shake my head and shakily stand up. "I'm fine ok. Just leave me alone. I'll be fine. And please whatever you do don't tell anyone." A slight laugh leaves her lip and she just stands there with her eyebrows raise, "God you are just like your mum aren't you. It's ok to be ill or scared sometimes you realise. And as you are under 16 I kind of have an obligation to tell her. Plus I think it would be good for her to know" She replies. "One, there's something called patient confidentiality. Two technically I'm not you patient and three I really don't want her to know all she will do is make a fuss" I say before walking out of the toilets. I realise I shouldn't have spoken to my mums boss like that but I couldn't help it I'm just feeling overly stressed and upset. As I stand in reception not entirely sure what to do I spot Josie-Anne's little sister sitting there. She looks shocked and upset and dazed as though she doesn't really know what's happening. I don't know her very well because she's in year 7 but she is in my form so at least she knows who I am. I sit down next to her and she just looks my way with a small smile. I want to say something, to say sorry and that I really wish I couldn't save her but just the faint smile she gives me tells me that she knows what I'm trying to say.

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SAMS POV

I'm walking back from CDU to cubicles after a tricky case involving a broken arm and an over protective mum. When suddenly Zoe grabs my arm and pulls me into her office, taking me completely by surprise. She shuts her door and walks over to her desk before gesturing to me to take a seat. "Sam, I probably should and shouldn't be telling you this and your daughter will probably kill me for telling you this. But she had a panic attack earlier, I found her collapsed on the floor of the toilets mid panic attack. She refused treatment and told me not to tell you. If you need any time off to sort this, then just ask," she says before giving me a small smile. I mumble a small thanks before walking off to find my daughter and talk to her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello again guys! Sorry for the really slow updates but I have written the nest few chapters so they should be up soon and it is also the smmer holidays YAY! so I can update more regularly. Please review :-)**

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SAMS POV

I look through the window of the door of the staffroom and I see Ella sat on the sofa. She looks deathly pale and the cream coloured bandages stand out around her wrists, neck and ankles. Her eyes are blank and she looks completely lost. I open the door and try to decide what to say. Taking a deep breath I walk over to the sofa and sit next to her. She says nothing, just shrinks away, hugging her knees. I feel so lost and confused; everyone always says that being a parent comes naturally. And it did until now, when she little we got on so well. I could always tell exactly what was happening with her.

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_"Come on Ells, It's time to do your hair or we'll be late for school" I shout up the stairs to my 4 year old daughter. I hear the thunder of her little feet as she runs down the stairs and into the kitchen, a massive smile on your face. "So what do you want me to do with your hair today, how about some pigtails? They're cute." Ella just shakes her head with a cheeky grin on her face. "What do you want then?" I ask her with my eyebrows slightly raised. "A special plait, just like the one you wear!" she says excitedly. I grin, I love my daughter. She tries to be so grown up but in reality is still just a little girl and without her father properly around, she tries to act just ;like me which is something I'm not entirely sure whether I like or not._

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"You ok Ella?" I ask cautiously. I hear a small angry sigh, before she says, "Yea I'm absolutely fine ok!" "Ella I know you're not ok. I know about the panic attack, and before you say anything Zoe had to tell me so don't have a go at her!" I reply slightly annoyed at the fact that she isn't talking to me. All I get in reply is her glaring at me. She is trying to look all angry but I can see the tears prickling in her eyes and I know that she is just trying not to cry. I feel myself begin to well up just at the thought of her being in so much emotional pain that I can only just stutter out the next few sentences; "Look Ella, I know that I haven't exactly been the best mother and that I haven't always been there for you. But that doesn't mean that I love you any less. You always have been and always will be the most important thing in my life. I feel really bad that we have drifted apart in the last few months and I know that I can't fix that but I do know that I can be there for you from now on. No matter what else happens in my life, whether something to do with work or Tom, you will always be first. I just want you to know that you can always count on me and that my love is unconditional. No matter what happens I will stand be you". Ella suddenly falls onto me, sobbing. I feel the tears start to flow from my eyes as I pull her into a hug and do something I haven't done in a while. I just sit there holding her. Not wanting to let go ever again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi again. Sorry for the slow update again but I was dragged to Wales unexpectedly where THERE WAS NO INTERNET! But I'm back for a bout a week before I go on Holiday again so I will try to a update one of my stories at least once a day. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLOTTE SALT! She is an amazing actress and one of my role models so I hope she had an amazing day. Please review. :-)**

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SAMS POV

I don't know how long I sit there holding Ella. But I do know that it is quite a long time. It feels good to finally have her back in my arms. Her sobbing eventually subsides and she just cuddles into me. Tom walks into the staffroom and gives me a faint smile. I gently shake Ella's shoulders and we get up. Ella mumbles something about going to the car and I watch as she slowly walks out of the room. I look shyly up at Tom as though searching for his approval and in reply he kisses me on the forehead with a massive grin on his face. Finally, the two people I love are in my life together.

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ELLAS POV

The Next morning I wake up and look at the ceiling, staring until I swear the pattern is imprinted onto my brain. For some reason I just can't seem to pull myself out of bed. I just don't feel like any company, especially not my mum or Tom. They will just want to know what's wrong and I don't know what's wrong, I just feel horrible. I didn't get much sleep last night. I felt so exhausted when I crawled into bed but as soon as my head hit the pillow, I couldn't switch my brain off. It was full of thoughts of what if? And why didn't I do that? Then when I finally fell asleep it wasn't a nice deep restful sleep it was a restless sleep with a load of confused dreams and nightmares.

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TOMS POV

I'm worried about Ella. This isn't something I've told Sam yet because she seems so happy and peaceful at the moment. I think Sam is just relived that me and Ella get on and that she doesn't have choose between us. I know that Ella is bound to be exhausted with all the stress she has been through but she looks too pale and as though she hasn't had any sleep. Also she seems very reserved and as though she doesn't want to talk to anyone which even Sam admits is a little out of character. I just hope she starts to look a little better soon.


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